Saturday, February 28, 2009

Garbo Effect: Clark Gable and Robert Taylor

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Camille was on TV two nights ago and it occurred to me that many leading men piggy-backed on Garbo’s star power.

Many of them, seem to become legit stars after Garbo. Did some of her magic powers rub off on them?

I don’t even need to put dates or a “before and after” on the pictures since it’s so obvious that once an actor becomes an MGM leading man, he has to grow the mandatory moustache.

So here they are. Before they were leading men, they played nude-lipped love interests to Greta Garbo.  That’s right, Gable was once Garbo’s bitch—eat your heart out Joan Crawford.

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I just wanted to share these last two photos.  I love how they look like they either belong on the cover of a trashy women’s romance novel or a hallmark greeting card.

They sure don’t make them like this no more.

Cries and Whispers (1973) or Forget Death, What About Life?

Swedish: Viskningar och rop
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So I have been wanting to blog about an Ingmar Bergman film for a while now.  I just don’t know where to start.  He might be my favorite of European directors.

His films are like poetry…not lengthy novels, but poetry via images, that demand your focus.  Unlike a novel where the character may explain his deepest desires in a few pages, Bergman’s films are like poetry in where you have to decipher the meaning in brief images—which can be interpreted differently by each viewer. The images seep into my mind subconsciously and I am captivated by the film.  His movies, in my experience, awake my senses and puts on the screen my deepest fears and dreams.  Bergman has the ability to touch my soul…and after each of his movies, I am enlightened…his movies stay with me forever. In my day to day life, I ponder back to a particular issue provoked by a Bergman movie.

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So I guess I’ve decided on a Bergman film: Cries and Whispers.  This is a movie that I compare most dramatic films to.

The film, in a nutshell, is about two women who wait for their sister to die.

Writing about it now, I feel skeptical about how this movie worked, but it just did.

This movie made me realize about how trivial my concerns are and how to live in the moment.  (What do you know, an intensely tragic film taught me that lesson).

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The two women, Karin (Ingrid Thulin)and Maria (Liv Ullman) are two women who struck me as two different aspects of my psyche:

Karin is a loved starved woman who, in a very memorable scene, shatters a wine glass and rubs it against her genitals, then smears the blood across her lips, daring her husband to come near her.

While, Maria is a beautiful, passionate woman with flaming red hair—though vain and indifferent to anything that doesn’t involve her.  She starts an affair with a doctor although she has a suicidal husband.

Yeah, so affairs, and suicide and self-mutilation and all that baggage.  Yes, these people have issues.

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Their problems consume them so much that other matters start to seem so inconsequential-- like the sister dying from an incurable cancer, Agness (Harriet Andersson).

Agness’ illness takes a toll on the two women.  They take turns staying up along with their housekeeper, Anna (Kari Sylwan).

Yes, amidst all this, the one woman who is not related, serve to connect these three sisters.

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There is one particular gut-wrenching scene where Agness is extreme pain and her own two sisters just watch her writhe in her four post bed (similar to Linda Blair in The Exorcist).  The two are helpless.  Thankfully, they have Anna, who is the one person able to comfort Agness. It works out well since Agness called for Anna and not one one of her sisters.  In what may be her dying moments, Agness calls out for Anna.

I used to think the two sisters incredibly weak and heartless, but now, years later after some life experience, I can relate to them: it is not easy to see a loved one in pain—especially when there is nothing you can do to soothe their woes.

Well, anyways, you can probably form your own opinion about the film, I am just sharing my experience with it. 

There isn’t much dialogue, so only a light reading with the subtitles if you can’t comprehend Swedish. This movie comes so close to being like a dream for me (well, most Ingmar Bergman movies are.) The effect of Bergman’s films in my life is incalculable—since Bergman, my dreams have altered and forever changed my perspective on the significance of certain images and how it can impact the rest of my senses and my soul. And how movies aren’t just for entertainment, but it can also serve to better understand my own humanity.

I believe this movie to be Ingmar Bergman’s peek. He also has his best cast, which I feel, blended two periods of his filmmaking persona. The pre Liv Ullman period and the post.

CriesAndWhispers
Lots of memorable moments…the most memorable of which is that red room.  Crimson red. (Sven Nykvist at one of his bests!) I think I read in some Bergman book that that image of the crimson room came to him in a dream…as if this is what the inside of a serpent, cut in half, looks like.

Anyways, I felt compelled to write about this movie first because it is the one movie that stayed with me in such a dramatic way.  If you actually give it a chance, I believe this movie has the ability to change your life too.  If not that, then the possibilities of  what filmmaking may accomplish.

The Lady Is Willing (1942) or Having Babies is the Answer to All Your Problems

TheLadyIsWilling
Okay, amidst all this Octo-Mom hoopla, I thought about this often overlooked Marlene Dietrich film.

Dietrich, and her ludicrously delicious hats, stars as a Broadway performer who picks up a baby on the street.  She’s smitten with the baby and decides to adopt it.

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Or did she? I am not sure anymore, I was too distracted by the leading man, Fred MacMurray.  Clooney? Whose George Clooney? All I want  me is some Dr. McSteamy MacMurray M.D.

MacMurray plays a dweebishly cute MD who is trying to get a grant by mating bunny rabbits.  Not the Playboy kind, but the kind you keep in cages. Wait I am confused, isn’t the Playboy mansion also a kind of…

Anyways…

I loved how this movie is so camp (tragically ludicrous), as most Dietrich movies are (I think so anyways).  If you don’t like the cute story line (think Bachelor Mother (1939) or Bringing up Baby(1938) except, in place of leopard is a baby) you can also just ogle at Marlene Dietrich’s wild get-ups while she holds a baby (yes, many mothers wear sequins while bottle-feeding) or if you’d rather, you can just flutter your eyelashes at Fred MacMurray (who I think is at his peek, attractive-wise. Oh, Professor McSteamy).

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This comedy is not exactly screwball or Preston Sturges, but I definitely felt satisfied and jelly-legged after watching.

That and I suddenly felt in the mood for buying intricate, large, feather hats—and follow that with a trip to Loyola University in search of a MacMurrayish professor.

BTW: Thanks to Genevieve at Film Oasis, my eyes are wide open as to how many films there are that aren’t available on DVD!
This is one of those films that is not on DVD (frowny face). The film is only available on
VHS  (right, and I’ll just listen to my Little Wayne songs on an 8-track).

Friday, February 27, 2009

After a Couple Weeks Hiatus

This blog is very sick and probably dying (as many other diseased movie blogs out there are—I am lucky to have lasted this long huh?.)

I have suffered from a semi-breakdown and have tried cutting communication from the rest of the world (my Google Reader has not been opened yet and I am scared to…the same goes for my credit card bills and numerous mail.)

So I think it is safe to say that by chance, on the one day I check my email Sergei sends me a note time marked a few hours ago.

Tribuspective has been resuscitated and is on life support.

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Thanks to the supporters, (all three of you!).  And the rest who visit. Here’s to endurance.

…and to all the existential crisis: Why bother? Because I can. And am lucky enough to have the time and obsession with movies.

Here’s to all the corpses of non functioning movie blogs. May they rest in peace.

Here’s to all the blogs that survived. May you never disappear from the interweb and continue to live on eternally.

Cheers.

Live Flesh (1997)

Spanish (Carne Trémula)

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Okay, if you haven’t noticed, I am absolutely crazy about Pedro Almodóvar.  He is the perfect combination of weird kitsch and old Hollywood film technique. He’s as macabre and witty as a Billy Wilder with subtitles.

Yet the thing with any Almodóvar film is, you cannot summarize the story.  He is just brilliant like that.

The movie stars Javier Bardem, pre-No Country For Old Men, as David, a cop. There is also a brief cameo by a very pregnant Penelope Cruz giving birth on a city bus…which is how the movie starts.

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So we fast forward, that baby has now grown into a hot young Spaniard. He gets involves with a femme fetal, heroin addict named Elena. Enter scene, or rather burst in, an alcoholic cop (who beats his wife) and his partner.That partner is David (Bardem) who at the end of the scene, saves the heroin addict and in the process gets shot.

Fast forward. David has married Elena, who has undergone a major makeover after detox (I guess all that heroin turned her hair into a blonde afro. She looks very high fashion Vogue though.) and now is a hot brunette that resembles a 90’s version of Liz Hurley. David on the other hand, got shot, right, so now he is on a wheel chair.  He likes to eat her out (cunnilingus) yet Elena is very satisfied.

Victor comes out of jail and seeks out the former junkie and the paraplegic cop.

The title I guess is a reference to how after years in prison, and how after years of obligatory marriage to cripple, Victor and Elena are tantalized by the idea of live flesh.

This film reminds me of an opera. Or do I mean soap opera? I mean, it is a Ruth Rendell adaptation (very loosely adapted—which is special because this is the one occasion where Almodóvar shares writing credit), which makes it eligible for a Lifetime TV movie. Actually, maybe I mean to say that this movie’s high drama reminds me of a Greek tragedy.  Yes, that describes where I am coming from with my opinions. The movie has a quality of heightened intense drama, with a dash of film noir and a Latin soap opera.

It is very odd, yet conventional. That’s the beauty, I guess, of Almodóvar’s films: it’s paradoxical themes refuse to be categorized into a specific genre.

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If you are fan of Billy Wilder’s odd sense of humor, this movie is an even more exaggerated version—the characters are worthy of the Norma Desmond Award.

So watch it, if you are interested in something familiar, yet truly different.

Scary Movies: Then and Now, Of Hollywood and Asia, Of Gods and Monsters

“Give them pleasure—the same pleasure they have when they wake up from a nightmare.”

-Alfred Hitchcock, on how to make a good movie.

NosferatuShadow
Okay so my friend Sergei has all these posts dedicated to scary movies from Asia and I just wanted to make a commentary on its relevance to the art of filmmaking.

I believe these Asian films she has mentioned are such a throwback to old school Hollywood thrillers.  Remember? Like from back in the day when Hollywood infused some soul into their suspense movies.

Before Hollywood began making horror movies geared to teenagers, they actually churned out some pretty deep thrillers.  They had monsters who were able to evoke the deepest pits of  the human soul. The fact that they were monsters were just mere masks to entertain the audience and bring them to a heightened sense of reality. Sort of like the way the ancient Greeks used their mythology of Gods and Heroes to tell tales that mirrored the dark side of humanity. Let’s face it, all of us bury a dark side deep inside our beings.

Think about classics as Lon Chaney Jr. in Dracula.  Or James Whale’s delicious interpretation of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. Think Universal Studios.  Think Vincent Price…

Whether we like it or not (I am one of the people who likes it not), the "horror” movie genre is one of the most effective movies there is.  I mean, you go out to a movie theatre, and you pay an overpriced amount of money. If you go to a comedy, you might get one genuine laugh or two. To a drama, a tear or whole flood. And sometimes you get nothing except a, “I can't believe I just wasted an hour and a half of my life.” Yet the beautiful thing about horror movies is that you always get something.  Whether it’s disgust, a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, or just plain old fear..horror movies always deliver something.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

DEAD GIRL WALKING




I like Asian horror movies. Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, China, South Korea (especially), and of course, Japan. I could list hundreds, and before this blog dies I probably will. They are just so good. They aren't only gore fests like American shizz that rips off the ideas a year or two later, they are usually emotionally involving which makes the horror of the situations even better. It's even a shame they have to be labeled Horror, since they are usually ordinary stories, fiction, with some scary elements.
Last year on Crunchyroll (it's since been pulled and is now at Asian-Horror-Movies.com) I saw the movie Dead Girl Walking, [Kaiki! Shinin Shôjo] a wonderful shorter movie from Japan. This is the second of six short stories in the collection entitled Hideshi Hino's Theater of Horror. (Hino is a famous manga artist. I haven't followed any of his work as they are difficult to find scansillations of online, but I do follow similar themes, Like BERSERK--one of the best manga's of all time imo). Although each of the six films in this collection is directly based on specific characters and scenarios within Hino's horror manga, each is also the work of a different director.

So this school-age girl is watering a flower in her home and suffers a heart attack. But then, though she is dead, she hasn't actually stopped living. her family was sad for her, but now they are getting disgusted with her. They keep her in a plastic-covered room because she is rotting, covered in bandages to stop her arms from falling off. Her family no longer lets her sit with them at dinner time they all avoid even looking at her. They hate her because she's dead but not gone, I guess. Mean. I would be totally stoked if my loved one was dead but not dead. I would be glad they were still there to be with me, smelly or not.

Her mom is a total C U Next Tuesday and convinces dad it's time to burn their daughter to death. They even bring in, if I remember correctly, a huge container of lighter fluid.


So dead girl runs away, is on a road somewhere wrapped in a blanket because her arms keep falling off or something, and this guy stops and picks her up in his car to bring her to some freekshow, where she shuffles about in a dance for high paying customers all cast in shadowy gloom, only bit of their clothes showing, until her guts slop out on the floor.


Afterwards, the man drops her off again on the same road and she walks to this big empty parking garage, where mom and dad find her and try to kill her again with the lighter fluid. They somehow blow themselves up, and she lands, a black scatter of cloth over a white landscape, unharmed, and continues crawling on. THE END MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Filmed in black and white, but for the bright yellow flower at the beginning, it's a beautiful film both viscerally and visually and emotionally. (It's low-grade though, I mean like, these people had zero money, and for this to come from that is fucking awesome). I dig this kind of shit anyway so maybe I'm biased, but these sad movies with a splash of blood makes more sense to me than a plot about seduction or affairs. I don't think it's being "dark" to like this shit either. Isolation and wanting to belong, being turned away and hated by those whom you loved can touch everyone. It makes fucking sense. It's something you can identify with in so many levels.






In an explanation of the movie, I have found this:





In Shinto and Buddhist (particularly Tibetan Buddhist) traditions, one's conscious experience of "existence after death" entails two things, namely (1) the change of loved ones into a for more formidable and potentially malevolent form (as in the Kojiki), and (2) an increasingly difficult path of terror and trial on the way to re-birth (as in the Tibetan Book of the Dead). These two basic religious sensibilities seem to explain and provide an intelligible structure to this (otherwise unintelligible) storyline.

If you can find it, WATCH IT.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Jil Sander S/S ‘09

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I just thought these looked real cool.  I think they called it “high-concept” but whatever. I love the use of whitespace and minimalism. These ads definitely made me stop and gawk.

They are actually 4 separate ads.

Do the images look futuristic to you?

(Source)

Frost/Nixon (2008) or How History Can Be Such a Drama Queen

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Okay I was so skeptical about seeing this movie.  I’ve had the screener for a while and I was putting it off for as long as I could.  I mean, sure I was interested…Ron Howard directed it, I am a HUGE follower of the brilliant Frank Langella (who plays Nixon). So of all the “For Your Consideration” Oscar candidates, this was the last best picture nominee that I had a chance of screening. I guess I was just scared of not liking it.

But I love it! I think that this movie could be an underdog and have a shot at winning Best Picture.  Why?  Because it so relevant. 

Living in Chicago, I can’t help but hear about the political climate (as much as I try to drown it out with my West Side Story Soundtrack and Lady Gaga album).  I mean, the next few years are going to be political all over again: with the Bush aftermath, with Obama’s change and with the much publicized corruption of Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. This is the time of upheaval, with the gay rights debate, stem cells, Iraq, and a whole can of worms that I don’t really know about because I am not big on politics.

I have this theory that there is nothing new under the sun and we in a sense just go through a cycle of Déjà Vu, except the characters and the setting changes.  I believe strongly that the simmering 90’s parallel the 1920’s the 50’s. Then comes a huge rise in action of Act 2, where the 00’s parallels the 1930’s depression era and the upheaval of the 60’s. Political and socioeconomic factors blah blah blah (I can’t believe I’m droning on about political theory instead of movies).

Enter Frost/Nixon. Which is basically about how entertainer (not a journalist, but an entertainer— sort of like Maury Povich or Jerry Springer) David Frost interviewed unapologetic ex-president Richard Nixon. The movie was written by Peter Morgan—the same guy who wrote that other Oscar favorite, The Queen (2006)—based on his West End Play. David Frost is played by my dork crush, Michael Sheen, who played Tony Blair in The Queen.

My first praise is to the writing in general.  The movie is very well written, surprising in fact—for me anyways—that such a quickly forgotten story can be made so interesting.  I mean, you’d think that only political historians would be intrigued by this subject matter, but me, of all people now find it intriguing.

I guess I consider this movie as in the grand tradition of Shakespeare's Machiavellian plays. There is the power struggle between the ambitious Frost and the powerful Nixon. Both are passionate about their cause:

  • Frost, in a Ryan Seacrest- like way, wants major success, which to him means Playboy mansion access and reserved VIP seats at the hottest LA restaurants. He shall be the only man to interview Nixon in such an in depth manner. In a subconscious sense, he wants to contribute to history.
  • Richard Nixon, we all know, is a power hungry man who was forced to relinquish his power. He remains firmly convinced that his achievements during his Presidency outweigh his small but magnified fuck up at Watergate. He wants to tell his side of the story and he wishes to stand by his decisions. He refuses to hint at any form of apology. He is a man, who was already licked by JFK and any more form of defeat can be unbearable.

These two men risk their reputation, which in their line of job, is an, if not the only, important factor.

They battle wits, seeing who gets to be in top and control. The stakes continue to be raised…as Frost loses his own money and investors.  Meanwhile, Nixon, is gradually unravels into a human being, rather than some scumbag political figure. The frailty of our existence—and the man we elect to Preside over it—steps into the light.

The pacing of the movie, some may find slow. I watched the movie with my mom, who fell asleep but soon became wide awake at the explosive ending: the last interview between Frost and Nixon, their final showdown where only one person can win and only one person can lose—and the result will forever be recorded in history—although in this movie, we can’t help but feel more concerned about how the result will effect the life and the ego of the loser.

In a year of political films such as Milk and W, this one stood out for me, head and shoulders above the rest. It’s relevancy to our present is more subtle, yet many under running themes shed more light into our circumstance. Politics are not so simple as right or wrong, motivation and consequences.  Wheras Milk and W where bio-pics, the main concern in painting a portrait of those iconic figures, Frost/Nixon concerns a dramatic event that echoed the machinations of politics: a power struggle between two parties, the financing for the interview, what can and cannot be revealed to the public.

I don’t believe that one should call this a political movie, but rather, a cinematic experience that happens to concern politics and real life characters. For me, this movie, this movie follows the tradition of Mr.Smith Goes to Washington(1939). The drama concerns a spectacular event that holds up a mirror to America’s political system and how men of power are driven by the same needs as us mortals, and share the same flaws—succumbing to similar temptations.

So what insight did I walk off with from Frost/Nixon? That even our leaders, great or disastrous (ehem, G.W.B.), are also human beings with follies and regret that they shall never admit to because admittance can only erase their accomplishments, making the time invested, heartaches, sacrifices spent in office inconsequential?  That the power of the media, as in Katie Couric’s and Tina Fey’s depiction of Sarah Palin, influences the public’s opinion of our leaders more than the human itself? How power really does corrupt (like duh)?

I guess the movie’s slow moments worked for me because in those moments of boredom I couldn’t help but ponder (so this is what they meant by a thought provoking movie) all the aforementioned thoughts.

Yet personally, what I walked of with, is how to tell a story. How something as seemingly boring as a long ass interview between a toothy British and ugly ex-president whose middle names is Milhous, can contain so much drama. That life, no matter how irrelevant –politics—as it may seem, has more than one dimension, and can hold the dramatic potential for an interesting movie—with the write tools of storytelling of course.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Absolutely Fabulous, Oh Sweetie Dahling



So over the past two weeks I been watching the fucking awesome British comedy from the early 90-'s into the 00's Absolutely Fabulous, or AbFab.
Edina, a wealthy flower child mom is always drinking, doing lines of coke and not going to work, while her straitlaced daughter pushes her glasses up her nose, scolding her mother for being out late and falling out of the car backwards, drunk.

Edina has a BFF Patsy who's a tall skinny blond nymphomaniac that used to be a fashion model, had a brief sex change once "but after a year it fell off" and now is the chief editor of some fashion mag for sleeping with some guy. They sell off Edina's boring daughter to Arabs in one episode (they get her back) and mercilessly bully her for being lame and "hideous". Nice mommy. Edina has an ancient mother that bobs into some of the shows and they also don't care for her either. She puts their condoms on her hand to wash dishes, thinking they were fingerless gloves. Ha. Old people are comedy gold.


They basically booze and drug their way through the episodes (a couple are on Youtube, the rest are on Veoh, but they are "mature" so you have to have an account) but there's enough fast-paced humour and adventures that for 20-odd minutes, are well worth your time. The biggest problem for the show was that there was only 6 episodes a season, and that they are spaced many years apart sometimes, because that's the way Britland rolls.
It was great and an icon to gays and straights alike everywhere. If you have seen it, there is no question to it's fabulocity.
So of course America had to grunt out a great fudge dragon over the whole damn mess.
Absolutely Fabulous is now scheduled to make an Amershit run on TV, but "more PC" sans drugs alcohol or hilarious orgies.
In other words, whoever thought this was a good idea, please die. Now.
Patsy, with her awesome lecherous sneer and bottle of hard liquor constantly in hand will now be played (raped) by the whiny-voiced pig-nosed actress that played the big blond Sally on Third Rock From The Sun. I liked Third Rock because Lithgow is an unquestioned God among men, but this blundering weird-faced giant as the smooth elegant skinny whore that was Patsy is unthinkable.
Milquetoast brainwashed gooey formless oatmeal will be smooshed through a naso-gastric tube sometime next year, but all I can hope is that this Frankenstein's monster will die a quick death; akin to me sneaking up behind it and garroting it with a chain and as it goes limp, slowly lay it down whispering "Shhhh shhh. That's a pretty. Shhh now," while petting it's face.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Garbo Effect: Chloe S/S ‘09

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Every time I see a high fashion ad or editorial with a model slouching, I can’t help but think of Garbo’s notoriously bad posture.

Do you think she may have contributed to popularizing this pose? She actually moved in this lethargic, “world-weary” manner in most, if not all, of her movies. I mean, can you define “cool” or “aloof” any better than the divine Garbo?

Source

Word for the Weekend: Spifflicated

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Okay, so Genevieve over at Classic Film Oasis shared this word with me and I am loving it! Here’s what she said

One of my favorite words is spifflicated, its a 1920's slang term that means "to be drunk" It's just fun to say, but probably not easy to say if you are drunk.

I love how it is so vintage that no kid my age would really know what I am talking about.

DUI
Secondly, it sounds like a kind of word that a drunk would make up.  Imagine some lush getting pulled over by the highway police.  The police asks him, “Sir, are you intoxicated?” The guy answers,  “How dare you officer! Of course I am not into-xi-ma-cated—I am spiifffflicated!”

This word sounds an awful lot like “spiffy”, which is a favorite word of mine. I wonder if they are related?

I have a buddy who’s had three DUI’s in the last two years.  He needs to learn to use this word.

Lesbionic Part Deux

Okay so I googled Lesbionic and I guess I can’t claim to have coined that term—something called G4 beat me to the punch.

They have a video on youtube about a woman who gets in a car accident, only to be rebuilt into a flannel-wearing lesbian.

A bunch of heteros obviously made this video.

Valentines Day Weekend Chick Flick Movie Round Up

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He’s Just Not That Into You vs. Confessions of a Shopaholic

So which do you think will dominate the box office? 

He’s Just Not That Into You boasts an a-list cast of actress who pretend to be normal people who have dating problems (don’t even talk, Scarlett and yeah, like we are gonna take advice from Jenn Aniston, now that she’s only dating douche bags). I wonder if they serve nonfat ice cream at the door?

Meanwhile, Jerry Bruckheimer shelved his usual CG special effects and invested instead on Confessions of a Shopaholic—taking lessons from the money made off Sex and the City and The Devil Wears Prada by employing a different kind of special effects wizard: costume designer Pat Fields.  The movie is based on some chick-lit and I am going to guess is just a mask for some fashion show. I mean, when Pat Fields and designer labels are involved, does the plot of the movie really matter in order for you to go see it?

Both have extremely long titles, which seem to be a Valentines Day Weekend trend that started with How to Lose A Guy In Ten Days (2003).

Seeing how there’s an economic crisis and how Jenn Aniston is basically box office poison (Marley and Me was not a Jenn Aniston movie, it was the dog’s movie and slightly Owen Wilson’s) and or people don’t really wanna see her chin and nose on the big screen only a month after seeing it in Marley and Me, I think I will put my money on Shopaholic.

Shopaholic’s Isla Fisher is fresh and kooky and I am sure the guys are comfortable with her (she was Vince Vaughn sex-crazed partner in Wedding Crashers), so this makes this a plausible date movie. Because these two movies have the same target audience, I am willing to bet that one has to lose, while the other makes the money.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Random: Never Cross a Southern Woman

From Designing Women, the Sugarbakers.

Word of the Day: Lesbionic

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I am not sure if it is a real word but I love the way it sounds. 

I think it has something to do with lesbians.

Or it could be French, Les Bionic—meaning The Bionics?

Or it could, in simplest terms, mean, to have lesbian tendencies as in most Jodie Foster movie roles.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Obsession of The Day: Carine Roitfeld

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“But I am not French. I am Parisian. I don't love the French.”

Okay, for the past couple days I have been obsessing with this woman.  She happens to be French Vogue’s Editor in Chief and I am in love with her! I want to sex her up and keep a pair of her panties as souvenir.  This woman is a goddess.

Don’t let her job title fool you.  She is an international party girl/ rock star…it is no coincidence that this dame bears a striking resemblance to Iggy Pop.

In her offices in France, she keeps a scale.  Despite denying them, rumors suggest that all her employees have to meet certain weight requirements!

She has stopped wearing fur because they stink quickly and she is human-- slightly scared of American Vogue’s Anna Wintour’s wrath. Also, she hates handbags (only American women would ever want to fill that emptiness in their souls with Marc Jacobs concoctions). 

This woman is also an artist.  Just check out the cover she made, with a bearded tranny with great legs, something you may never see on the cover of an American magazine.  This woman has high artistic standards.

And my most favorite quality? Not merely the impeccable taste or her joi de vive.  Just the fact that she smiles a lot. She is definitely the polar opposite of a devil in Prada.

Katharine Hepburn Exhibit

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I am such a huge fan of the Great Kate.  I mean, I am one fan who actually spells her name right (it’s with a “tharine” FYI). I admire her personality and her philosophy to life…and you know, her movies are fun. I was so disappointed that I didn’t get to at least send her fan mail before her death in 2003.

They are having an exhibit at the gorgeous seaside town of Old Saybrook, Connecticut. Isn’t that amazing? I so have to make a pilgrimage. Some people have Dollywood, I have Kathawood (okay, I didn’t really make an effort with the name composite there).

They open on Summer 2009, you check them out.  Don’t forget to pack a pair of trousers and a Bryn Mawr accent. You all think it would be appropriate to go around saying “So whehr do you sum-meh?” Or go around reciting “The calla lilies are in bloom again. Such a strange flower, suitable to any occasion. I carried them on my wedding day…”

More details at their website:
http://www.katharinehepburntheater.org

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Random Retro: Marcia Brady’s Nose

Marcia Marcia Marcia!

Haha I love this scene…I grew up in the ‘90’s and The Brady Bunch Movie was my introduction to this beloved sitcom.  These day’s I can’t sit through a whole episode. Do they even air these?

I hate and loved Marcia. I can’s believe I used to have a thing for Greg.

And why did Florence Henderson ever agree to that haircut? Is she even still alive?

Potent Quotable

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Yeah, Peter Griffin from High school. It’s been a while.  So yeah, uhh…listen, I just found out I'm retarded and umm..I’m just calling to let you know you might wanna get yourself tested. Hello?

-Peter, after receiving his test results that he is mentally handicapped.

Unnecessary Movie: Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

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Okay, so in my misspent youth, I was a big fan of director Kevin Smith.  I found him so cutting edge.  As I grew up and became more conservative in my taste, I find that Mr. Smith is just another Jackass.

Yet no ordinary Jackass could have made Clerks (1994), Mallrats (1995), or Chasing Amy (1997) (A personal favorite.) Here is a quote I have memorized by heart, from Chasing Amy, that remains with me to this day:

I was an experimental girl for Christ sake! Maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, that's you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!

For me, this line amplified a certain indecisiveness is in my nature. In its context, the girl had just been discovered as a huge whore who likes to suck cock and take it up the ass…whatever.

The point is, Kevin Smith writes these movies that have some very shallow observations that can run fairly deep—and he tells his stories in such an immature manner in order to masks his vulnerability.  A 12 or 15 year old boy can take humorous anecdotes with him while a twenty something can probably take a reflection of his seemingly meaningless life from Smith’s film.

Zack and Miri, ranks along with that Bennifer disaster they called Gigli (2003). Both films are pure garbage. The only saving grace is the chemistry between the actors.

I mean, the porno scenes were not funny—the porn star is constipated and the camera man, trying to get a close up from the floor, gets shit on—okay, sort of funny.  Yet that is the only scene that made me almost laugh.  The rest was just uncomfortable.

I just wanted to question why they set out to make this movie?  I mean why not just go ahead and make a real porno instead of trying a little desperately to inject it into mainstream culture in such a haphazard way.  The whole business of Zack and Miri Make a Porno is an exercise of futility.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Film Persona: Katharine Hepburn

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Persona: Spunk With Values
Little Women

Of Single Minded Ambition
Morning Glory
Alice Adams
Christopher Strong
Sylvia Scarlett

Unapologetic of Status in High Society
Holiday
Bringing Up Baby
Stage Door
The Philadelphia Story

Of Devotional Compromise
Woman of the Year
Adams Rib
Without Love
Leaves of Grass

Of Unwavering Independence
The African Queen
Suddenly Last Summer
Summertime
Pat and Mike
Desk Set

Of Resonant, Matronly Endurance
Long Day’s Journey Into Night
Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner
The Lion in the Winter
On Golden Pond

Random: In 1996…

More than anything in the world, I wanted a beeper.

beeper

I still want one for my 25th birthday.  I’m expecting calls from 1998.

90’s Modeling via Marcia Brady and Jan Brady

I love their poses and the Charlie’s Angel background music. They look fierce, as the tranny Banks would say.

Can you believe how fashion obsessed the 90’s was…I mean, we had the whole Kate Moss Calvin Klein controversy and what not. We had the grunge scene and Monica Lewinsky’s beret.

Wisdomosity

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I believe that happiness lies within yourself and cannot be altered, increased or abated, really by an external influence or by any person... happiness in its essence is within myself.

Kay Francis

The Classic Maiden has a whole retrospective dedicated to Kay Francis, you should check it out. The Classic Maiden.

Random: 26 things to do on an Elevator

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1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3) Ask if you can push the buttons for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4) Call the Pychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exit with the passengers.
12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14) When the doors close, announce to the others , "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
15) Swat at flies that don't exist.
16) Tell people that you can see their aura.
17) Call out, "Group hug!" then enforce it.
18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25) Grinning, stare at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Domino (2005)




I'm rather easily influenced. When I watched the Sopranos, I began getting all cocky and swearing with violent hand-motions. You know who else is easily influenced? My mom. So now we pass around the Fuck word like it's a bong hit.
So I have been wanting to watch the 2005 movie Domino for a while now, and only just got to today because of Youku.
Some years ago, I saw an ad or something for Domino and I thought: "My hair. It must be as Keira Knightly's is in Domino." But then life came along smacked me in the head and I forgot until I watched it today. In the middle of the movie I found myself a pair of scissors and cut my long hair in a pretty good facsimile of the haircut Keira has in the movie.
Nice.




So I always was kinda meh about Keira. She's one of those people like Angelina, whom others feel the righteous need to hate on cuz they so hot. And most women's worst enemy is a supermodel or those near to it blabla feminist bullshit so anyway most hate her without knowing why. And if you get over the pouty shit she does alot, she's not half bad. (Also, you have to admit, she's fucking hot in a gangly sort of 'I bet she'd be good at guitar-hero' sort of way.) But Domino made me almost love her bony ass.

Domino is based on the true story (I wiki-ed this) of English born and bred bounty hunter Domino Harvey, daughter of a movie star. She was a model but said fuck it and came to the USA and teamed up with two bounty hunter men. Mickey Rourke (hatchet-face in The Wrestler, 2008) Christopher Walken (fuck yes. He was my first big-time crush when I was a wee one) and Lucy Liu guest beside Keira and do a pretty good non-annoying job.




So, the plot is pretty tough to write all down here since it's full of details and shit, but there's a black woman (Mo'nique) who works at the DMV who has a granddaughter that needs an operation. She agrees to set up these 4 boys as the thieves of some cash heist so some of that money can actually be re-routed to her to pay for her granddaughter's operation. Problem is 2 of the 4 kids are mob-boss kids.


So Domino and her team--in a pimped-out Winnebago--get mixed up in this, accidentally mishearing directions and rip a guy's arm off by shooting him in the shoulder until it could be torn away. (I wished they had shown this scene a little clearer. I lurve me some delicious gore. It makes the warmth come out.) Lots of shoot outs, explosions, swearing and nipples later, the end of the movie is bittersweet, but I wasn't really left with a lot. I mean, it's cool and I mos def recommend it, but the sad places were ruined with shitty music and weren't long enough to elicit emotion for my black-boiled heart-box, and Ithink there was just too much shit going on to really get into any of the characters.


The movie was panned when it came out, maybe it was running against a big movie that year, I don't know. But this movie is purely for fun, to just get caught up in a small adventure and be like "Yeah that girl kicks some serious ass" and "Hey! It's Christopher Walken! and "That one guy that's the lawyer is now on House playing that ex-plastic surgeon guy working on House's team!"