Monday, January 26, 2009

A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) Gets Raped in Remake, The Uninvited (2009)

(Korean: Janghwa, Hongryeon- literally "Rose Flower, Red Lotus")

NOT ANOTHER REMAKE GOD WHY??!!
In 2003, possibly one of the greatest movies of all time was unleashed in the form of a Korean film by Ji-woon Kim called A TALE OF TWO SISTERS. It was understated, quiet, lulling you into the very very small bits of horror, that made it all the more frightening because the two very young girls were so very much just like you or me.... just Korean. Haunting and atmospheric, every shot as pretty as a painting and the music sparse so as not to overload the senses, it brought you into a world where a young girl and her sister come home from a mental institution, to the house where their mother died. They do not like their new step mother, as is apparent, and step mom seems a little manic--too much smiles, too enthusiastic, but it is hiding a barely guarded rage towards her little charges.
(this pic: Innocence and fragility)

The psychological meaning of this movie only became clear to me after numerous viewings, but it never ceases to grab me by the butt and teeth (simultaneously) and not let go, even after the movie is over. I think about it for days. Someone under the kitchen sink? Events that occur all at once, as if the three women in the house were one person? And what exactly did happen to their mother? And why are the girls so terrified of that wardrobe in the corner?
Lingering, delicate, scary and sad, it ends with a scene from the past, where the Father first brought home his then colleague (soon to be stepmom). She has witnessed the death of the girl's mother and possible death of "someone else" but stood by, doing nothing to help. She stops the main character (cute girl on the far left there) in the hall and warns her "This may be a day you regret". It won so many awards that it's pointless to list them all here. Go look it up yourself. But if you never see another foreign film in your life, watch a TALE OF TWO SISTERS. I stole it from this jackass I knew in College, and I watched it, and holey shit---he aint never getting that movie back. It's mine forever.
And what the fuck did Hollywood do? Shit on it. That's right. They went to a urinal, dropped trow and exploded a butt-barf of raw sewage all over this beautiful enchanting tale.

(Innocence? Good acting? wont find that in the remake! But boobies! Sex appeal! Arian nation!)What did Hollywood name their feces baby? THE UNINVITED. The two little girls are now sexy booby teenagers, and instead of sitting on the end of a dock, being real people together, they are, in Hollywood land, jumping and giggling in bikinis. Where's Joe Francis to film this for Girls Gone Wild? It is the worst bastardization of something I have ever seen. PERIOD. What's with the cliche English-children ghosts in the Uninvited? Why? They have all the dumb gimmicky cliche's you could imagine, just stuffed into one movie. OO! Loud sudden noise! Convoluted plot line! Collegian-injected 20-year olds passing off as teens... Sex! Why? Why would they do this? I am looking up to the heavens in hurt incredulity, because I don't understand what I--nay, AMERICA-- did to deserve this? Has the United States lost all its creativity, or is it more that Hollywood producers are so scared to take a chance on the new little-guy writers that they just keep doing remakes?
So Hollywood: stop that shit. Right now. If you were a person, I swear to god I would follow you home, corner you in an alley and beat your face into a brick wall.
You're welcome.

1 comment:

Nik said...

Wow, multiple viewings? This movie really connected with u girl.

You movie thief! I know Im never let you go near my movie collection.

This movie sounds so deliciously scary. I love movies that incite emotion like fear and disgust, but not in a stock way as many recent teen slasher flicks do. Definately checking this out.

I thank you Sergei. For doing your duty and ranting about this remake. Foregin movie gems deserve to be seen in their original artistic brilliance and not in their regurgitated puke form.

I am guessing you saw the remake? I've only seen the trailer and I love that young actress (she was in Lemony Snicket, I believe-- I love how she doesn't look like a generic hollywood bimbo).